Most people do not know that self-parenting is another dimension of taking care of oneself.
Learning to care, teach, scold, encourage, advise and take responsibility for oneself is self-parenting.
You can decide to call it self-care, but at the same time, you are playing the role of a parent in your life without your actual parents being there.
How self-parenting works
The idea of self-parenting occurs in the cerebral hemisphere, where there is an internal discussion between two voices in the brain. This discussion is usually between the inner child in you and the adult in you.
Each person’s way of self-parenting differs from the other, resulting from the parenting technique used on them by their parents/guardians.
Self-parenting is the only way you can overcome your fears, stand strong for yourself, be your inspiration and motivation, and challenge yourself into becoming a better person than you are now.
What are the benefits of self-parenting?
Self-parenting helps solve a variety of issues that may have resulted from childhood traumas, toxic parenting, past issues you have been avoiding or been scared to face, etc.
It gives you the motivation to try different ways of dealing with these issues than avoiding them.
Self-parenting helps us understand ourselves and helps us interact and communicate with others while controlling our inner child.
It also helps us understand the child’s needs in us and ways we can satisfy ourselves and become better members of society.
How to get started with self-parenting
Search for your parent self
Yeah, your parent self is the key to passing through this hurdle, so you need to locate it. Most people are very good at parenting others but not themselves.
You need to recognize the parent in you and search for ways to be a good parent to the child you are about to open up.
Most people are parents themselves, so it’s advisable you apply the tactics you use on your child for your inner child.
Locate your inner child
We all know that a part of us remains a child even after growing into adults. It doesn’t matter your age, status, or position; self-parenting is the only way to conveniently locate your inner parent and inner child.
Accessing your inner child can be tasking and is not a process you should rush because it comes with many memories, anger, fear, pain, trust issues, etc., so you might want to be careful.
Identify the problems
While you are trying to deal with old wounds, you start to realize that they pop out every single day in your life, affecting you unconsciously.
Right at this stage, you keep practicing the role of a parent to a child, i.e., the role of your inner parent to your inner child, till you finally overcome all the childhood emotions and drama dragging you down.
Give the child what it needs
Now that you have successfully learned how to handle your inner parent and how the inner parent can handle your inner child, you need to provide for its needs.
These needs are the things you couldn’t get from childhood which made you tuck all those feelings aside. Offering your inner child all it ever needed is an excellent step to overcoming your childhood fears.
At this point, you are a parent to yourself, and as a parent, you need to give your child what he needs.
Remember, we are not talking about physical things but rather emotional support that would help mend the issues of the past and heal every wound created
Top tips for self-parenting
Check your feelings
This is the very first step in conquering your trauma and exercising the parent in you.
It is often important to check how you feel in times of need, allowing you to apply factual and simple logic when dealing with issues rather than allowing your emotions to get your best.
You should cultivate the habit of rummaging through your mind, clearing out every unnecessary garbage, managing the situation, coming out with positive results, and mastering the parent factor that gives out victory over your inner child.
Don’t rush the process
Self-parenting is a process of reparenting yourself, correcting your parents’ errors, and working on issues bottled up since childhood without being judgemental of your parents.
You can’t just pour out all your inner feelings, desires, and troubles in one day and expect everything to be normal immediately.
Remember that the things you’re dealing with have been there for years, so you need to be patient with the child in you; give it some time to go through the process of trying to allow the parent in you to take charge.
This is one of the most challenging tasks in the process.
Even while trying to parent yourself, there is that one voice telling you to bottle up your emotions which is wrong.
When you say your mind on situations and events, the parent in you feels responsible for whatever you say and your actions.
Once the inner child in you starts making you shy away from saying how you feel about situations, events, and things, let your inner parent take charge and decide to say things out.
Self-parenting comes with this aura of positivity, and there is no room for negative thoughts and actions.
You have to overlook the child in you who gives up at every little opportunity and focus on encouraging yourself, advising yourself, and pressing on even when it seems like you have nothing left in you.
As a parent, your language structure should always spell out positivity and support; likewise, even when you feel like giving up, the parent should come up to help you move further with supportive language and actions.
Self-parenting is just like actual parenting, only this time you are the parent and the child at the same time.
Comparison is a joy killer. Ever wondered why your parents never compared you with others? Instead, they encourage you and let you see the best in yourself.
That is what parenting is about. Now it’s your turn to parent yourself. Avoid comparing yourself to others; tell yourself you are the best and you can do better than your present position.
Comparison leads to low self-esteem and self-depreciation. Ensure you talk to the inner child in you whenever a comparison comes up in your mind.
Avoid self-deprecating humor
Humor is good, and it’s an aspect of life that helps us release all the tension and seriousness in the world. But it becomes self-deprecating when you always put yourself at the end.
Poking at yourself each time just to sound funny or make others laugh isn’t necessary. You don’t have to put yourself at the receiving end each time.
Talk to yourself
Most people believe in having conversations with themselves which is an excellent way to maintain balance with your inner child and the adult.
Sometimes we do things that may seem okay to us, and later when alone, we find the adult in us reprimanding us for what we just did.
That’s exactly what self-parenting is about. Have a relaxed conversation with yourself and try to take out some things that you know may hinder your relationship with yourself and others due to your childish desires
Self-parenting and relationships
Self-parenting helps a lot when it comes to your relationship with others and your partner.
When your inner parent finds it difficult to handle your childish insecurities, fears, expectations, they result in more harm than good, causing a strain in your daily life.
It is easier for us to let our inner child take charge of our relationships. But while they do so, they take control of our emotions and sense of reasoning.
Making peace with your inner self allows you to take charge of situations in a controlled manner.
Here is what to do whenever you are in a situation with your partner. By taking these steps, you have allowed your inner parent to balance your inner child and would no longer control your emotions.
Once there is a conflict, we all get defensive no matter who’s wrong or not.
Now while the child in you might make you feel like your partner is trying to make you look bad in the situation, your inner parent should step up and alter that feeling.
Instead of being defensive, try to stay calm and listen to your partner’s point and understand where they are coming from.
Be proactive and not reactivate
Being proactive means taking bold steps towards reconciliation and working things through with your partner rather than looking for who to blame.
Start by accepting constructive criticism and feedback from your partner without feeling bad about it