Even before your baby’s arrival, you were likely to have read an extensive supply of parenting books, listened to many parent stories, and vowed to do everything your parents did the opposite.
With your baby, who is not yet a challenge because they haven’t been born yet, you may have felt confident in your parenting decisions.
Then, your kid arrived, rapidly developed into a young person, and you suddenly found yourself caught up in the maelstrom of all they wanted and needed.
You may have joined a group of fellow parents to get assistance, which may have increased your level of pressure to make difficult parenting decisions.
Another parenting style you may have heard about recently is conscious parenting. What exactly are you looking for? Does it genuinely make a difference?
What is conscious parenting?
According to Eastern ideas and Western psychology, conscious parenting principles originate in ancient times. Tsabary claims that to be “conscious” or mindful is to be aware, which means we can better recognize the difference between responding to our children from our egos versus being attentive and calm.
In any situation, it’s all about being able to maintain focus and presence. And as far as the children being mentors who awaken us to our actuality, she argues, our children are teachers who bestow the gift of self-awareness, self-expression, and self-belief.
Parents who are searching for some immediate, real solutions may be turned off by Tsabary’s lack of case studies and examples.
She views awareness as a lifelong journey, an ongoing process of self-discovery and connection, which occurs on a moment-to-moment basis and features a core element of trust, authenticity, and understanding in place of control, fear, and ego.
Fundamental elements of conscious parenting
While conscious parenting has numerous parts, few major principles include:
- Parenting is a partnership, in other words. It is a two-way transmission process rather than a one-way transmission technique. Children are unique individuals, and they can serve as teachers for their parents.
- The ability to detach from one’s desires and attachments is a crucial component of conscious parenting.
- Instead of pushing their children’s behavior, parents should consider their speech, expectations, and self-control.
- Instead of responding to negative outcomes, parents should plan and utilize reinforcement and praise to encourage the behavior.
- It is vital to look at the overall process instead of fixing a temporary problem (like a temper tantrum). You can trace preceding events and their more significant meanings back to the beginning of time.
- The most important aspect of parenting is the achievement of happiness in your child. In the process of overcoming obstacles, children can grow and develop. Your desires and ego should not stop your child’s development!
- To accept something means to accept and embrace it while it’s happening.
What are the advantages of conscious parenting?
A conscious parenting approach demands parents to engage in self-reflection and mindfulness regularly. This may be beneficial to more than simply your parenting.
Engaging in attentive self-reflection can provide benefits, including reduced stress and anxiety. Daily meditation can also give a longer attention span. It can counteract age-related memory decline and can even decrease blood pressure as well as enhance sleep.
Additionally, its supporters argue that conscious parenting can foster more respectful language use (by both parents and children) as well as greater communication.
One of the main ideas to conscious parenting is that children have something to teach adults. Genuinely believing this notion needs parents to speak to children with a particular respect level and communicate with them frequently.
When parents have frequent respectful talks with their kids, it boosts healthy, good relationship skills for children to utilize in all aspects of their lives.
A 2019 study also reveals benefits to adults engaging children with high-quantity and high-quality language in early life.
Researchers indicate the types of conversations advocated by the conscious parenting approach may result in increased cognition, fewer indicators of hostility, and advanced development in children.
What are the drawbacks of conscious parenting?
For parents expecting a quick, clear-cut cure to parenting difficulties, conscious parenting may not be a perfect match for various reasons.
It may take a long time to gain the degree of self-reflection and internal control necessary to parent in the way asked for by this approach.
After all, followers of conscious parenting think it’s vital to release your baggage to allow your child to be true to their inner self, and that won’t happen overnight!
Moreover, conscious parenting implies that parents offer their children the opportunity to strive and fail. This, of course, implies that it may be messy and take time.
Supporters of conscious parenting feel that this time and effort is required for a child to engage with fundamental topics that will define them.
However, for some parents witnessing it happen may be challenging if they have a chance to prevent their child from experiencing failure or misery.
For parents who seek black-and-white answers to resolving problems with their children, conscious parenting can be troubling.
Conscious parenting does not promote an if A, then B approach to parenting.
This type of parenting requires that adults cede considerable amounts of power to their children. Less dictation implies things may grow a little fuzzier and less predictable.
Instead of always being a clear path of action, conscious parenting urges that parents work with children to sort through challenges as they arise and stay in the moment.
Additionally, conscious parenting may provide distinct obstacles when raising younger children. There are occasions when, for safety, a parent needs to take action immediately.
It’s not always possible to pause and contemplate when your first responsibility is to keep your child safe.
Finally, for some parents, the core concepts behind the conscious parenting perspective can hit a nerve.
For example, one of the most controversial phrases in “The Conscious Parent” claims, “Parenting is not that tough or difficult once we become conscious because a mindful person is naturally kind and authentic”.
Likely, most parents have sometimes — if not daily — thought that parenting is, in fact, reasonably hard and often challenging.
When examining any parenting philosophy, there may be times another philosophy makes more sense.
Conscious parenting may not be the ideal fit for every situation or child, depending on other parenting ideas and individuals’ personalities.
Most parents rely on a blend of parenting theories when raising their children and base their actions on a complicated combination of factors.
Examples of conscious parenting
Are you confused about how this might play out in the actual world? There are a lot of people out there like you.
As an example of conscious parenting, here’s an incident that occurred.
Imagine that your 5-year-old has gotten hold of the scissors and been left alone (a nightmare for every parent).
The men decided to have a barbershop session and practiced their new haircutting techniques on their heads. You merely stepped into the room and saw the results for yourself.
Instead of responding in fury or fear, calmly determining a suitable punishment, or shirking responsibility. You would instead relax and center yourself as a parent who is mindful of their child. Keep the scissors out of reach.
Before talking to your child about this experience, reflect on the triggers and feelings it evoked. You’re probably worried about what other parents will think when they see your child—put that worry to rest.
Establish firm boundaries
As a parent, you must set boundaries for your children’s behavior (exceptionally when requesting respectful communication).
If your child wanted to use the scissors before, and a parent was present because it was for the child’s safety, then this is a great time to discuss the boundary violation that occurred.
It would be helpful if you also considered what can be done in the future to help your child, including putting the scissors to a spot where they cannot reach on their own. This isn’t about bad hair.
This level of conscious parenting urges you to embrace your child’s hair for where it is right now. Don’t waste your time mourning the hairstyles of the past.
It’s time to work on separating your ego from your identity. In addition to allowing your child to work on their hair, you could work with them to design a new haircut if they wish.
If you believe in conscious parenting, then everything in this post can influence your beliefs. This could be the opposite of what you think.
Even if you feel as though you’re entirely alone, you’re not.
Because there is no “one size fits all” approach to parenting, it is crucial to study different parenting styles. It might come in handy someday.
Next time you serve as a parent group leader, you might be answering the phone.